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Thursday, 17 January 2008
not sure if i love God.
This srtuck me as I read a comment someone made about loving God. I sat there mulling it over and wondering what it meant to love God, wondering if I could at all say that I not only love God but love God more than any other.That struck me as hard. Then it struck me that I am supposed to be able to say it. Especially in my job.
I know I love my children, that's an easy one. I feel a sometimes overwhelming desire to protect them, a constant urge to do my best for them, an inexplicable pride in them, a deep, deep affection.
God, mmmmm. I search for God, yearn for God, long for God, have a deep need for God. At the same time though it does cross my mind in more than a passing way that God may not exist. That I've just gone along with this whole thing and the more I got involved the more it kind of just stuck (my mum reckons that's what's happened with me. I guess she needs to rationalise the way I turned out!).
To love God..... what does that mean? I can do the outplaying of relationship, you know the going to church the talking the talk, the praying the prayer; but that's just window dressing. If to love God is to hope and search with depth then I am in it a little. I still don't know that I could with any honesty say that God is number one and family etc all fall in line behind. They are more tangible to me to be brutally honest. I often affirm God in the midst of my doubting and my questions. I do at times experience inexplicable and overwhelming gratitude. Points at which I feel 'saved' or just seem to experience a hightened sense of beauty wthin the utterly normal.
If I struggle to speak of loving God it makes me wonder about how those who don't have a trust in God hear words about loving God as if he's another guy (it usually is thus) around us who we can hang out with.
I'm not sure I love God, or at least I'm not sure if I love God in the way I thought I ought to.
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Comments
Beautiful words. So well written.... a chord was perfectly hit. Thank you for alleviating at least some of the guilt I feel on a daily basis!
Posted by: A reader who is always better when she is anonymnous | Thursday, 17 January 2008
Beautiful words. So well written.... a chord was perfectly hit. Thank you for alleviating at least some of the guilt I feel on a daily basis!
Posted by: A reader who is always better when she is anonymnous | Thursday, 17 January 2008
Great post, as ever.
I always like that teeny weeny quote "I believe, Lord help my unbelief."
Anyone who claims either that they never doubt or that they understand what loving God means is either incredibly holy or lying. My experience is the latter.
Posted by: Catriona | Saturday, 19 January 2008
Well, all I can say is - I find this helps a lot!
And not forgetting Kez, how you once said if Jesus was sat right next you now, he would be smiling! (I found that so amazingly reassuring)
From LookingforGod.com
My Child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you (Psalm 139.1)
I know when you sit down and when you rise up (Psalm 139.2)
I am familiar with all your ways (Psalm 139.3)
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered (Matthew 10.29-31)
For you were made in my image (Genesis 1.27)
In me you live and move and have your being (Acts 17.28)
For you are my offspring (Acts 17.28)
I knew you even before you were conceived Jeremiah (1.4-5)
I chose you when I planned creation (Ephesians 1.11-12)
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book (Psalm 139.15-16)
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live (Acts 17.26)
You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139.14)
I knit you together in your mother's womb (Psalm 139.13)
And brought you forth on the day you were born (Psalm 71.6)
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me (John 8.41-44)
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love (1 John 4.16)
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you (1 John 3.1)
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father (1 John 3.1)
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could (Matthew 7.11)
For I am the perfect father (Matthew 5.48)
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand (James 1.17)
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs (Matthew 6.31-33)
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope (Jeremiah 29.11)
Because I love you with an everlasting love (Jeremiah 31.3)
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore... (Psalms 139.17-18)
And I rejoice over you with singing (Zephaniah 3.17)
I will never stop doing good to you (Jeremiah 32.40)
For you are my treasured possession (Exodus 19.5)
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul Jeremiah (32.41)
And I want to show you great and marvellous things (Jeremiah 33.3)
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me (Deuteronomy 4.29)
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37.4)
For it is I who gave you those desires (Philippians 2.13)
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine (Ephesians 3.20)
For I am your greatest encourager (2 Thessalonians 2.16-17)
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles (2 Corinthians 1.3-4)
When you are broken-hearted, I am close to you (Psalm 34.18)
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart (Isaiah 40.11)
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes (Revelation 21.3-4)
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth (Revelation 21.3-4)
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus (John 17.23)
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed (John 17.26)
He is the exact representation of my being (Hebrews 1.3)
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you (Romans 8.31)
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled (2 Corinthians 5.18-19)
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you (1 John 4.10)
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love (Romans 8.31-32)
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me (1 John 2.23)
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again (Romans 8.38-39)
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen (Luke 15.7)
I have always been Father, and will always be Father (Ephesians 3.14-15)
My question is “Will you be my child?” (John 1.12-13)
I am waiting for you (Luke 15.11-32)
Love, Your Dad.
Almighty God
Posted by: Jeff | Tuesday, 22 January 2008
I don't mean this to sound arrogant, but I'm sure I love God, and I thought it might be useful to say how I think I know this.
I know I love Him because I know I couldn't leave Him even if I tried and because there are things I feel compelled to do that I can't explain in any other way. Of course these two things are more about God than they are about me.
I couldn't explain how I love God, except to say that it's kind of like a smeared, dirty, cracked mirror reflecting some of God's love back to Him (but in a warped way, like those circus mirrors Scooby Doo always seems to be running past)
Posted by: tim f | Tuesday, 22 January 2008
I probably don't really love God either. Or at least, I certainly don't love him as much as I should (could? would?). But then how can I say that I 'really' love my husband? My friends? My family? I'm not sure that you can explain love, or 'prove' love. You usually know for sure just at the point when you lose it... I don't think we need worry that we're not certain that we love God - we'll know sure enough if we lose him and as I don't want to lose him I guess I must love him.
Posted by: Shy | Wednesday, 30 January 2008
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