Lama's log

So I ended up preaching this week on eschatology. Well not really. I was preaching on mission and on how some people see salvation all about the end game, the parousia and what happens when you're dead, and about others who are in the here and now and translate salvation into the immediate; Jesus ushered in the Kingdom fully and all. And then others who kind of straddle the two - 'inaugurated realised eschatology'.

I thought about if people cared about these terms or even had a glimmer of wanting to know such things. Then I thought about the fact that most adults still describe the trinitarian mystery as a piece of clover so then thought that I really couldn't make things any worse.

In a quest for people to engage with mission I really think they need to relax about what that means. I mentioned mission to the football and poker group here and they nearly broke into convulsions. Anyone would have thought I'd asked them to consider unspeakable acts of extreme violence. It's not such a big deal once you relax about what it might mean and anyway, without getting too nousy about it ,you know, Jesus; brutally killed on a cross for us? Is it too much to ask that we might, well, not cringe every time His name is mentioned.

I get that years of cheesy evangelism aimed at people who didn't want it in the first place has put a few of us off but then lets think again a bit.

We had a Burn's night last Friday. The evening was worth it just to see Dave T in a kilt doing a dodgy Scottish accent (he's now practicing for Cinque De Mayo!). It was a good event. Good whiskey, good food and an open mic and the evening went off well. It was something you could invite people to without having the standard Christian shame of a speaker standing up at the end giving a 'message' and ruining a perfectly good night. We could just trust that relationships would be built and 'witnessing' would take place over a glass of wine and genuine conversation.

This week I'm going round the new houses and the local neighbourhood to ask if they would like 'us' at church to pray for anything in particular. Door knocking has its place just as much as unadulterated fun in the witnessing arena. Basically I reckon a genuine desire to love people goes a long way.

This srtuck me as I read a comment someone made about loving God. I sat there mulling it over and wondering what it meant to love God, wondering if I could at all say that I not only love God but love God more than any other.That struck me as hard. Then it struck me that I am supposed to be able to say it. Especially in my job.

I know I love my children, that's an easy one. I feel a sometimes overwhelming desire to protect them, a constant urge to do my best for them, an inexplicable pride in them, a deep, deep affection.

God, mmmmm. I search for God, yearn for God, long for God, have a deep need for God. At the same time though it does cross my mind in more than a passing way that God may not exist. That I've just gone along with this whole thing and the more I got involved the more it kind of just stuck (my mum reckons that's what's happened with me. I guess she needs to rationalise the way I turned out!).

To love God..... what does that mean? I can do the outplaying of relationship, you know the going to church the talking the talk, the praying the prayer; but that's just window dressing. If to love God is to hope and search with depth then I am in it a little. I still don't know that I could with any honesty say that God is number one and family etc all fall in line behind. They are more tangible to me to be brutally honest. I often affirm God in the midst of my doubting and my questions. I do at times experience inexplicable and overwhelming gratitude. Points at which I feel 'saved' or just seem to experience a hightened sense of beauty wthin the utterly normal.

If I struggle to speak of loving God it makes me wonder about how those who don't have a trust in God hear words about loving God as if he's another guy (it usually is thus) around us who we can hang out with.

I'm not sure I love God, or at least I'm not sure if I love God in the way I thought I ought to.

Why is mission such hard work? Why is living in community simultaneously scary and exciting? Why do intentional communities not have a very long life span? Why do churches predominantly attract the middle class? Why do the middle class find it impossible to dwell in working men’s clubs? Why do many Baptist churches kick against drinking when the red wine is out in all the homes I go to? Why do we think that our systems of benefit is better than it is in reality? Why is it so hard to be vulnerable in church? Why do we expect God not to heal and trust our doctors more? Why do we insist on Sunday church more than community? Why did that TV report have to tell me bacon was bad for me?

My son was non too pleased that I took the tree down on the 1st Jan.
'Is Christmas over then?' he said
'Errmm no, actually we have 12 days of Christmas.'
'Then why is the tree down?'

The following conversation about a season of Advent and a Christmas season was lost on him. All he knew was that he'd been cheated out of a bit of Christmas.

This was in my head as I've sat down to plan tomorrow evening's sermon on the Epiphany. My head is still in festivities (especially since I've just come from a really rather wonderful Epiphany breakfast with bubbly and every kind of wondrous food). I am reeling from the excess and reveling in the celebration.

So I sit down and read about the journey of the wise men feeling all nativity scene esque. I am wondering what to do with this passage and then remember some distant teaching that the wise men were really just soothsayers and it's not quite as glam as it is made out to be in the church propaganda. That it was some ancient monk who gave the magi their names and that they were probably to be derided not applauded and that OT biblical teaching is against them not for them. Suddenly I have my sermon. Matthew's on another shock session hurrah and there's much to be said about who the gospel story includes and that will probably be our epiphany if we choose to take it seriously. Great, sermon on the way.

What about Christmas though? I took the tree down. For all the guff I gave my son about the reasons why and my blathering over seasons and times, I think it would be true to say that somewhere on rout I lost the rhythm of Christmas. Advent was the Christmas season rather than just the preparation. Christmas was the day and not the birth; the incarnation; the journey. As I reflect on how Christmas was for me I realise with a touch of regret that there was just one occasion, when I sat in Wakefield Cathedral with a friend, that I allowed the enormity of Christ incarnate to enfold me and thus prompt me into gut wrenching, heart tearing prayer for any and all.

So with this epiphany upon me I would like with all sincerity to wish you all a Merry Christmas and thank God for the miracle of Jesus Christ.